Angelariel777.blogspot.com
10.10.10 - 5:50 PM
OMG...watch out its...its...ALIVE!
So in my last entry I talked about how a certain phrase started my 4th voyage on Venus. I was riding in the car with my friends, and they were admonishing me for not dancing at the gym jam, particularly how I kept reject everyone who asked me to dance, one person in particular. Well, I was getting frustrated, and when I get frustrated I get emotional, and about 7 times out of 10 I say something that I meant, but didnt mean to say. This is one of those cases in which what I said even suprised me... And Well, when I said it I actually felt something start. Imagine someone slowly drawing a bow, and eventually, they let it go to shoot the arrow, which hit something that in turn starts a war. I thought I'd take about 2-3 paragraphs, probably more, to explore the power the heart and speach have. Or at least, the power they have on me.
Sadly, I am a very emotional, sometimes empathic and sympathetic (they are differnt) person. But usually I keep these things under tight wraps until I get to my room, in which even then I dont say what I feel above a whisper. I usually end up crying. I think that this is a big part contributing to my artistic inclinations because I do tend to find a lot of calm and solice in painting and playing guitar. Also, in contrast, I feel a strong passion sometimes, especially when playing my guitar. These seem to act as a siren's song to other people.
I sing a song to be heard by the right people, I also paint so that people can see my vision. In a way, I am using various forms of expressions in the form of a cry or an intent. Because it exists, someone will fulfil that intent or hear that cry. ESPECIALLY if its from the heart. This is one of the big fickle variations of the "Law of attraction" that many people often refer to. I did not read this in a book, I know this from first hand experience and observation. Its kind of complicated, because not all things you feel will come to life, and not all things said will either. Looks like I will be writing more than just 3 paragraphs this evening.
Have you ever had one of those experiences where you REALLY needed something and someone just randomly fulfills that need? I still remember back when I was about 8 when my dad and I were walking to a car repair place by foot, and it was so hot. I prayed that someone would come and pick us up, and there my bus driver was about 5 minutes latere. Another time I wanted to make sure someone was actually eating properly and asked for the means to actually get down to the college campus and purchase some food. The next day, I earned 11$ in tips and some money came in from my tax return. Mom and Dad's didnt even come in for an entire month, but mine came in within a week. There was once in the cafeteria when I was indeed very hungry, and someone offered to get me some lunch. I refused, but none the less kept track of the gesture. I was playing my guitar with my friend outside of the Henderson building on campus, and we had finally gotten an "equalibrium" in our rhythm and were actally playing in sync. An older guy came up and spoke to us. That man ended up being our guitar teacher later, and I was specifically looking for a place to take guitar lessons. These are but a few of many examples of things that manifested that started off as but a thought or feeling.
Have you also ever watch television and heard the glib unemotional speach of a congressman? Then, look at that in contrast to a speach given by someone who truly meant what they said, like Martin Luther King in his I have a dream speach. You can feel the difference in emotion there! And one makes people respond in a different way than the other. That is the power of emotional speach, it makes the ball move not only within you, but others as well. Thus, some words have to power to shift the will of another. Yes there is free will, but it has happened so many times. I guess now I am leaning towards "The law of motion", lol. So lets somewhat apply this to what happened that night. Just know that Free will is not an absolute iron bar, because it is "free" it is also impressionable via the individual's emotion ^^
I had the will to not care, and to some extent not move on completely from some past experiences. Also, unconsciously, I was burying feelings I didnt even know was present. They pushed forth and things started manifesting themselves that night on the ride home. Its quite interesting actually. My will, which was very neutral leaning negative, was overidden by a quiet positive side within me.
Labels: WORDS~
Posted by Brianka
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Quite an odd title isnt it?
Revolution refers to a drastic change whether it be politically, socially, spiritually, etc. I related this kind of metamorphosis to a sphere. I chose a sphere instead of a circle because a circle is flat, and no matter how many times you circle its circumfrence, it is still the exact same circle. In a sphere, you have many "circles" that make it up into a 3 dimensional object. Each circle is of different circumfrence, but at the same time, it all make up the same 3 dimensional sphere. Thus, a revolution in spheres, is refering to a constant, almost infinite, change in something that has the same principle regardless. This is similar to how a catepillar metamorphs into a butterfly, just longer lasting and more so based upon spiritual development rather than a phase of life.
I am in another revolution around the sphere, and its quite frightening. I know that the sphere is that of Companionship/love, however, everytime I go around it, I learn more about its essence. I learn more about what it takes to make a straight circle around that sphere, rather than drifting to the left or right, going round and round.
During my first voyage around this little vast planet, I was totally lost astray. I liked someone who didnt like me back, but was seriously sending more mixed signals than an analog bunny ear antennae. I think the first trek around the sphere is always the hardest, or at least mine was. My family totally disliked the dude... And after a while, I totally disliked him as well. I am very happy that nothing ever came from that infatuation.
My second voyage was somewhat of a force start. I think I regret this one the most, because it was a total waste in time in pursuing..Wait that's not 100% true, because what I learned from this was the importance of optimism, respect, and also just how irritating long distance relationships can be if one or the other is not on the same wavelength as the other. It's nearly impossible to get a digital signal with an analog bunny ear antennae. Once again, my family did not like this one either. I hated his temper, and just...well... blah. He made a mule seem cooperative.
My third voyage was the shortest so far. I think where I messed up here was starting the third voyage without taking a breather from the second voyage. I though this person was so much different, almost thought they were opposites. However, this is another one of those subsphere kind of situaitons. Though both people seemed totally different-one was religious, one was borderline agnostic-they both were stubborn. The third voyage was really......BLAH! I actually got lost on this one, which is where I learned a valuable lesson in prayer. If you have the Lord holding your hand all the way through the voyage, and that other is also holding his hand, neither you nor the partner will go astray. I'm glad that voyage is over. Ironically, my parents liked this individual quite a bit.
Now, I am on my 4th voyage. Its quite....differnt. There is more internal chaos along the road than there is actually on the road itself. With this individual, I started off kind of trying to reject his presence all together...Well, he always asked if I would stay after he gets off sports practice because I always ended up leaving at 6pm. I started staying, he eventually goaded my friend with love in her name and me into going to a school dance (My friend was DETERMINED to get me to dance, lol). So we went, and he kept asking me to dance (and I rejected). So during the entire evening, I more or less refused. A typical Brianka Defense against foreign human contact. At the end of the night, I and my friend(s) were leaving, and he was kind of upset because I didnt dance with him. I promised to dance with him twice. He asked for a location, and I said Kemp Commons (The place infront of the cafeteria...How bold of me, I almost scare myself.)
It was the carride home that was the turning point....I said something. Not only that, I said something FROM MY HEART and I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT WAS THERE!!!!! And that phrase is what officially started this 4th voyage. You know what, right after this I am going to do a blog on the power of words, and the power of what is in the heart. So what if its coincidentally a convenient rip off of his blog entry....He'll live. (LOL.)
A long story short, we laughed, we played, went to the mall and went to the fair, he liked someone else as well (which I had suspected for quite some time but decided to trust the lady with love in her name's judgement and dismiss that possibility), and now I'm playing the waiting game in a little anxiety and fear. I am currently incorporating the lessons I learned from my other 3 voyages: Patience, Prayer, dedication and honesty. I am currently realizing that I have a problem with being the dominant figure in conversations, which is quite interesting because I seldomly take the initiative to actual have a conversation with another person. Usually I talk to people when I am on a mission, have to tell them something, or need something. Now, I look forward to talking to this person just to open my heart to tell him how my day went and how cool some things were and stuff.....like a babbling brook >_<
A happy babbling brook.....
My friend with love in her name told me to tell my mother of this predicament; to which I replied with a firm no. However, my mother, being intuitive as she is had me watch this movie called Just Wright. Ironically, it addressed a lot of the things that was bothering me in regards to this voyage, as well as my career identity to some extent. Mr. Quota, if you are reading this, this may be a decent movie to critique.
And so, here I am, at a stalemate, being encouraged to be optimistic. ^_^.
The sun never seemed so beautiful and bright behind the lovely grey clouds, dont you think? Lol. Ironically, optimism is another lesson that is common on all voyages.
Anyways, I wrote this entry witht he likelihood that it will be read by the right person. Ironically, I think I did this before....actually, I did do this before, lol. Anyways. I also wanted to look at what love/companionship really means to me. I have the solutions to an unknown equation, and I and constantly wondering what that equation really is. You havent the slightest clue how many times I've changed my hypothesis. Perhaps I will be able to find out what lies at the core of this sphere, this planet, soon enough, I hope.
Posted by Brianka
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