My challenge to you///
I challenge you to the death
Look in the mirror, thorough and deep
Make one change, from now till your last breath.
And every word you speak, let it be a vow to keep.
Let your actions be absolute,
As the Father seeing from every angle.
Let your faith be resolute,
Becoming God's faithful Angel.
I challenge you to the death.
Til present with the Lord, and absent from earth asleep.

Angelariel777.blogspot.com

16.8.10 - 4:03 PM

Waging War: Looking past the events

As of late, I have been making meantion of people (there are two, but I am mostly refering to one person in particular) with whom I had a verbal blood bath with. I think it's time to bring that to light.

The first occastion occured when I told someone that I humbly disagreed with what the answer to their question was. "When you have done all that you can, What can you do?" I posted 3 detailed answers (I dont remember them verbatum, word for word, but I remember the gist). I said 1. Make sure you have really done ALL that you can. 2. Wait for more instructions or material to come from the Lord. 3. Ask the Lord if you are truly finished (actually this should be done first). I replied this way, because I know how people truly are. They will either give up half way, either in complacency or weakened faith, or they will go further than they were supposed to, and crumble. I looked at this from a practical point of view, as one actually acting out and deciding.

His reply "stand".

When I brought this up to him, he would not define "stand". In all due fairness, I was trying to change the subject after I made meantion of my humble disagreement (only because "standing" alone doesnt really tell me anything about the original verse), because I didnt want to start a "bible fight". Also, He had stood me up the night prior, and I really wanted an explaination of why. I was going to try to see if we could do an online/skype bible study...I waited until 10 pm.

Well, he got livid because I tried to change the subject. I think to myself "ok...so lets address the topic at hand then". I ask him over and over again to define "stand" and he would not. He got angry that I continued to" try, because he wanted to end the subject and HE was not in the "spiritual mindset to conduct a bible study (which is a red flag in a half....). Eventually, he got offline and "cooled off". We talked to each other later that evening.

That same evening, we got into ANOTHER HEATED BATTLE. It started online (again) when I brought up that he stood me up. And apparently in his world "At around 8 pm" is the same as "If I'm not here don't wait up". I understood perfectly what he was talking about. He was just WRONG and self centered. I could actually feel the mental distance between the two of us that he created...It was rediculous!! (My policy is that when time is involved, what you say is what you mean. AT AROUND 8, means exactly what it said, there is no real room for misinterpretation). He proceded to tell me about "how his mind works", basically, when it boils down to it, he exists in a simulated world of what "freedom" is: No time limits when it comes to other people or what he wants to do. If he wants to do something, that takes precedence over any engagements that he made prior, or any promises he made a while back....

After the conversation ends, I post onto facebook what I was saying the entire discussion "I hate the world of maybe". He messages me on skype upset that I "Posted it on facebook but didnt say a word about it to him"...

And so, we get BACK onto skype. Somehow, we get into the subject of all the crap that he said that he would do, but never did. Eventually, he asked me "I feel like I'm the only one trying to be friends here". At this point, I was really just appalled by his cramped way of thinking that I just could not believe that he actually spat out those words...

I made time to hang out with him, I made gifts, GAAHH all the things I have done! I practically prayed for him and his family almost every night, I studied the bible so that I could actually bring something fruitful into bible study the next time we had one. I also wrote down my interpretations of my homework he gave me: Psalms 23. When he (and my other friends) were evidently having a dark period, I fasted for two days (two separate days, 4am-7pm) and prayed hoping that things got brighter. I did everything that a friend should do...

A little background information: We "Dated" (if you want to call it that, he didnt even act like a boyfriend...) for about 3-5 days before he broke up with me. I told him that I'd still support him regardless of his reason for breaking up with me (skeptical about it, and I will tell you why shortly).

The day he broke up with me, It was because of a fundamental reason. I did something that I was supposed to do (and apparently that carried absolutely no weight or meaning to him because he was stuck in his own ways...regardless of the fact that GOD is a universal entity, he wont say yes to one half of the whole without saying yes to the other half of the whole, unless there is a time discrepancy). He did not. That was why he claims he broke up with me.

"We can still do bible study together, I will still talk to you every day, but I cannot fathom a relationship between a man and woman right now, I have to get closer to God. I did not put God first. Your a nice girl, and I have tried every method possible to get around it-and believe me when I want something I try to get it- but there is no way around it. I'm really sorry, I hope you understand. I'm not saying that there cannot be a relationship later, just not now. Lets just look at this as a get to know each other period".

"I understand. All of my male friends have treated me like crap. And truthfully, I dont trust you. Because well, you are a male".

"I am not like most other guys. And my word is my bond."

"My other male friends said that exact same thing..."

Now back to our regular programming. Here is my side of the story surrounding this: I prayed for about 2-3 weeks in advance on the matter....

I asked him during the conversation about what really happened. I told him, once again, that I did not trust him, nor believe him. He procedes to tell me the truth, which was a sugar coated lie, As I know this because I have discernment on the matter.

"I want to put this past behind me and move on to better things.."he said.

And the entire time, he continued to talk about himself. His pictures. How good HE looked in them. I remember trying to say something. But he didnt hear me, he was focused on the object of his desires. Eventually we hung up. That conversation hurt me more than he is even willing to admit just a few days afterwards. I bring up what he meant about something or another and he says "I didnt say that"...another Lie.

**

"I cant belive I actually fell for someone like him...he is so selfish and closed minded...I thought he was more gracious than this. I dont have anymore energy to do what the Father told me, and I dont look forward to having to do it anymore. Just why? Why do I always find myself with people who are whores, with people who have problems, with people who are so selfish? Just why Lord....Please guide me to what I am supposed to do...I'm going to fasten tomorrow, that I may hear your instruction"

I said this in true anger as I fell asleep that night.

***

I fastened, and took this opportunity to pray for one of my online friends as well. I took my bible to work (as I did practically the entire summer) prepared to read. I have my notes written down in my compass notebook diary I will post those notes from this fasten in a different blog. I did indeed receive instruction as to how to resolve the problem (also diagnosed by the Holy Spirit).

Did I want to do it? No. To me this man is not worth my time anymore. I regretted having ever met him, furthermore, I regretted not doing what I usually do whenever someone is being a jerkface: Leaving. But I will keep my promise even if it kills me, I will remain Obedient. I will follow through. He can knock me down or overshadow the truth attempting to achieve blessing without change, but he will not succeed. He can reach out and grasp onto his unapproved desires to his heart's content, but God's will be done. Not his. I will not let him make me rescend my promises.

Later on that evening, I asked the Father for healing, and he mercifully gave it to me, and I cried because I was alone. "You are not alone, because I am with you." He said as I eventually I fell asleep.

***
The following day, I was on a car ride home, and got into an arguement with my father because he would not let me spit out a simple 3 second phrase. It was in response to a comment a politician said about Obama being the worst president in the history of America. Dad kept trying to silence, me, and he snapped off. Not something that I needed that day. I called mom, and had a fruitless discussion. I am getting good and telling when people are just spitting out excuses instead of actually fixing the problem. I cried, and fell asleep.

***

Just yesterday, mom got sick. It scared me because I have not seen her in so much pain, and I had not heard her scream out like that. The women in my family has a leg condition in which we get terrible leg cramps, and the only we we bypass this is by taking potassium suplements and eating potassium rich foods.

Every time she has a show (or rather almost every time, either before or after the show), she would catch A cramp in her leg. The family worked together to get rid of the cramp. I made her muscle relaxing teas, and usually prepare the "medicine". She caught cramps in BOTH of her legs at the same time, the quadracepts. She had a head ache, and had nausea. She was in terrible shape. this lasted for about 45 min-1hr, 1hr and a half at longest. She's fine now.

When I went to bed that night, I slept without my pillows, I gave them to mom so she could recline comfortably(I dont need them anyways). I found myself crying. "Why do I have to go through all of this? How come nothing that I ever do is good enough? I work so har, Its not fair...and I'm so lonely," I said to myself, and I fell asleep...

***

Lol! I suppose that my usual pattern for relieving emotional stress is God and sleep ^^.

So in a nut shell, allow me to tell you what was really going on. I had a mission to accomplish, and a promise was made to me by the Father. I stoodfast for months, ignoring peer pressure, disregarding snide remarks. Satan decided to rear his ugly head, and knew exactly what to do to weaken me.

I "Stood" strong. When I say stand, I mean "Not moved". I am not refering to standing up on your two feet for a very long time.(The word vs the spirit of the word.) Here is the context from which the word in question came up in verse:

Ephesians 6:10-17

(10) Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.

(11) Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

(12) For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalites, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world against spiritual wickedness in high places.

(13) Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

(14) Stand therefore, having your loins girth about with truth, and having the breastplate of righteousness;

(15) And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

(16) Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith, ye shall be able to quench all of the fiery darts of the wicked.

(17) And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:

I had been under constant attack for the past half of a year. I have stood against falling ill (temporarily passing out because of emotional and physical strain), I have stood against gossiping "friends", I have stood against unfairness and foolishness, I have stood against and will continue to stand against lies and liars with the truth, I have stood holding up those who needed to be held up. I stood my ground, meaning I kept my faith, and will continue to do both. A nice little read up on this is this site:

In all that happened, Satan did everything possible, and is still doing everything possible, to get me to give up, To take off my helmet, lower my shield, and surrender my sword. "Just live a 'normal' life! Have fun! Look at what you are missing!". I will not fall for it. I have gained more than I missed, and have much more to gain in the future. Yes, right now, I am tired. My heart feels uneasy, because I was instructed to trust someone who cannot be trusted. I am alone, and there is noone who wants to join me in Bible study. But I will still do my best.

I will not Give up!!



Now, for a random note, just to show how universal and awesome God is, Before I wrote this note, I got the title from Cece Winan's song called "Waging War", a song that was stuck in my head as I wrote this. I just now discovered/realized, that she received inspiration for this song from these verses in Ephesians. How awesome is that?!

Posted by Brianka
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